NOTE: If this is going to be read aloud, please adjust your text-to-speech software to reflect a South Boston accent.
Somewhere in a feng shui-ed condo a young ad exec settles into his leather arm chair to bask in his Harvard induced brilliance. You see, he has just received a huge bonus due to his groundbreaking ad campaign that will catapult his company into the “big leagues”. For a mere half a billion dollars, his commercial will appear for a few seconds during the Super Bowl this Sunday.
As he sips his scotch, he turns on his plasma tv only to find that with a few hundred dollars and the cooperation of Boston’s Finest, another ad campaign will have exponentially more impact than all the talking frogs and whining cavemen ever could.
I, personally, am torn. I cannot decide which is more hilarious. The still photos of the Boston PD Bomb Squad blowing up a homemade LiteBrite? The videos of the best and brightest in Massachusetts’ government leading news conferences with all the pathos of 9/11 and all the substance of a Ben Affleck movie? Or the fact that in the sprawling city of Boston, there wasn’t one single intern or page or gopher under the age of 30 that could tap someone on the shoulder and explain what a Mooninite was?
It is particularly entertaining to watch the videos and read the reports chronologically. The map posted by Boston.com of the “Locations of the suspicious devices” is forever a testamemt of the absolute ineptitude of the Boston PD. The shot-by-shot photo essay of the Bomb Squad detonating one of the “devices” is a time capsule of the arrogance of the media; undoubtedly the photographer was sure he would be immortalized by chronicling this pivotal chapter in America’s war on terror.
But, in the end, it will just be another embarrassing episode in the history of a state that just can’t seem to figure out why Ted Kennedy shouldn’t be in a position of power. And maybe with this, the Boston PD, while they did make Andy Taylor’s Police Force seem metropolitan in comparison will do what the ALCS win couldn’t quite manage: maybe they will finally get Bill Buckner off the hook.