Well the new television season is upon us, many of the shows sans writers. Most of the shows I intend on watching this season are like that anyway, including Intervention, The Deadliest Catch, and of course - American Gladiators. The latter is supposed to be without writers, but after subjecting myself to three episodes over the span of two nights, I am not so sure. Well, in honour of the reprised athletic contest show and supporting the striking writers, I present this blog entry to you devoid of actual humour, but trying hard.
I have decided, because I feel it is important, to list my thoughts on the new show and its events, in no particular order.
General:
- It really does seem like all of the comments are
scripted, at least the ones from the hosts.
- The incessant need to provide references to each
competitor’s background is grating, at best. Ok, I
get it, he is a firefighter, fine. Do I really need
to see a minute long video on their home life? Why
was an interesting back story required to be a
participant?
- Why do the hosts have to wear all black?
- Speaking of the hosts again, Hulk isn’t as over the
top as I expected. But, I am going to be ready for
next week with a cocktail in hand. In fact, I
challenge you, take a drink every time he says
unbelievable. You will feel like you are trying to
scale the travellator at the end of the hour.
- What is with Laila Ali’s makeup? It looks like they
put “Super Sheen” (trademark pending) on her cheeks.
It is blinding in the lights. And, I don’t get the
face she is making - she looks like she is perpetually
sucking on a sour ball. It isn’t like she has
anything remotely interesting to say anyway.
- The gladiators themselves - not too bad, I think
they will come into their own. Some certainly develop
and play to their persona better than others.
- The ref is pretty good and has a more than adequate
“Gladiators - Ready”. The narrator could try a bit
less to infuse artificial drama into his voice.
- I appreciate the need to update it and add more
cameras. But all of the editing and cut shots are
enough to actually make me nauseous. How about just
showing the action? And why does the stage seem so
small on many of the events?
- Speaking of the action, it really feels like there
isn’t enough of it. They are so busy conducting
interviews and preening there is very little time for
the events. Plus, I think there should be 5 events,
not 4, before the Eliminator, but that is just me.
And stop going to commercial right as an event starts,
or worse in between competitors.
- It really, truly is overproduced. As the sage owner
of this site said, “the beauty of the original show
was its unintentional cheesiness.” That was before
the the first episode, and well the producers have
come pretty close to ruining it by ignoring this key
tenet.
Event Specific:
- Powerball - Still is powerball and they have done a
good job with it. They need to pan the camera back
though so you can see both competitors at once. More
aggressive gladiators are a nice touch too.
- Hang Tough - I never liked this event, but it seems
they shortened the course, which means more scoring.
This is a positive trend from the old show.
- Gauntlet - The set for it is better than the old
one. The weapons are still a joke (giant blocks?).
The scoring system is good allowing points per each
gladiator passed, also a lesson learned evidently.
- Pyramid - I never liked this event either because
no one ever scored. The “point-scoring” line is a good
addition as is the evident instructions to the
gladiators to be ruthless. The contenders are getting
chucked, multiple times, from some serious heights. I
especially liked when the little Asian guy got some
serious air.
- They couldn’t bring back Atlasphere?
- Joust - Water underneath them isn’t terrible, they
kept the concept close enough. Plus, Crush always
seems to be the female Gladiator. Yummy.
- The Wall - Close enough, the 7 second gap is a bit
tight, and again the water isn’t horrible.
- Earthquake - eh, it isn’t terrible, but just looks
goofy. Plus, it is bogus how one can hold on to the
rope and not be eliminated. Hulk must have thought of
that one himself.
- Hit and Run - This is another asinine event. I just
think they are trying to get their money’s worth out
of the water pit. The very first guy to go through
the event nailed how to do it. Hit the deck every
time the ball is coming, and it can’t get low enough
to hit you. Even though it is similar to some of the
other events, I would much rather see Breakthrough and
Conquer
- Assault - This is devastatingly poor. This was my,
and maybe every one’s, favourite event and they
absolutely ruined it. So you start with a softball
that you fling with a slingshot. A freaking
slingshot? And then there is a “regular” weapon but
they have to load it, and evidently none of them were
told ahead of time how to do it. Get past there
(nearly impossible since the gladiator seems so much
closer) and they have to search through sand to find a
crossbow? I don’t event know what the hell is after
that because it hasn’t been reached yet. I guess the
gladiator gets thrown if the target gets hit since
they had that in a promo, but UGH. They couldn’t just
have 4 guns and softballs like in the past - why ruin
the best event? Oh wait, I know why, because it is
sponsored by Nerf, so they have to get their product
placement in. Watch for it next time.
- Eliminator - This is just as bad. The only good
thing I can say is that they kept the zip line. Let’s
list all that sucks. Swimming under a fire “line.”
The fact that the cargo nets are not attached to one
another so they can’t disrupt the other competitor.
The spin thing they have to hold on to (an absolute
embarrassment). The hand bike being so tight that not
one person in 12 has made it halfway across. The
travellator being so late and tough that they have to
use a rope to get up that most can’t even reach. It
sure seems suspicious when people blow 30 second leads
near the end. The complete absence of gladiators.
And the length of it - it is just wayyyy too long.
And while they haven’t said it specifically yet, they
have alluded to the fact that people who won their
episode may not advance due to their Eliminator time,
which will anger me intently.
Other random thoughts for the first blog entry of ‘08. Is NBC really that starved for new material that they just look for 20 year old pop culture? During American Gladiators they showed a promo for Knight Rider. I was initially geeked until I learned that not only is KITT a Mustang, but he refers to Mr. Knight as Mike during the commercial. I can’t even begin to express the outrage I feel about this blasphemy. This is second to when Chevrolet decided to bring back the Monte Carlo, and made it FWD. People think I have rabies when I talk about it because I begin frothing at the mouth. Enough.
I watched some of the Price is Right over the break. Drew Carey just isn’t very good. It really seems like he is mailing it in and not trying hard. I understand he has some big gigolo shoes to fit, but at least try to seem like you are enjoying yourself. The only time he seems amused is when he gets to make fun of one of the competitors for being inept. And get rid of the shout-outs while the wheel is spinning. At least Drew still closes with a reference to pet castration and Wilford Brimley still works the stache while informing the commercial audience about diabetes supplies.
Lastly, I am coming up to what I believe to be year 12 of using my Yahoo! e-mail account. Yahoo! has served me reasonably well over the years and I cannot complain much about it. One thing I will comment on are the ads. They have always had them, and I don’t really mind them. They are often for Yahoo! services, which is fine too given that I have never given them a cent and gotten a lot out of it. But the ones that slay me are the ads for Yahoo! personals. It makes me laugh because they have used the same girls in the ad pictures for as long as I can remember. I remember Aubrey from Wheaton, Illinois being single when I was in college. Well, according to the advertisements, she is still searching. She is quite a looker, but I am beginning to think that she might be toting a truckfull of baggage at this point.
Posingly yours,
-Michael