Open All Night

It snowed last night. Again. I haven’t really been that bothered by the snowfall this winter. Small snowstorms, even if there are multiple per week, don’t really phase me. My general feeling is that it has not been that bad. If anything it has been peculiar, as nearly every snowstorm was followed by a day with warmer temperatures and a subsequent melt. There are not humongous piles of snow on everything that is not asphalt, as I have seen in previous winters. But hey, I live here, so I am not going to complain (especially considering how much I enjoy driving in the snow). I am one of the minute few who complain when they plow too quickly.

Speaking of plowing, the county coffers have been depleted of salt. There have been news stories for week’s now about how the salt domes are empty (and reminding us how treacherous the conditions are going to be for the impending storm, like last night). Converse to the above, this does really bother me (I will get to the statistics in a minute). Yeah, we have exceeded the typical annual snowfall, but it was only February when the news picked up on this dearth of salt. I got no impression from any of the road commission folks that they tried to conserve at all until they knew they were basically screwed. They blew their wad on all the early storms, or dustings, or half storms, and now everyone is basically SOL. They are even saying things like “schools only have enough salt left for sidewalk coverage, and not enough for parking lots. Please be careful when dropping your child off.” They might as well just say “please don’t sue us in this hyper-litigious society when your uncoordinated societal burden falls to the ground because we have admitted that we cannot ration our supplies. At all.” I have more comments on all of this but frankly I am exhausted and this is boring. So, onto the stats! I guess metro area Michigan typically gets around 44″ per winter. The airport is essentially at 52″. White Lake, which is just a tad north of my house, has gotten 79″ so far. I also understand the typical March total is 7″. Most suburbs got there yesterday alone. 55″ would get to the 20th largest snowfall on record. February was the 7th snowiest.

Lastly, the escalator attacked me again this morning. I was distracted and fell into its clutches. See, I was ascending from the base level while delicately balancing my bagel and hot chocolate when I heard a voice from the descending one yell “hey Mike.” I accidentally called him by the wrong name for what reason I don’t know, but before I could even laugh it off he was out of sight. I grumbled internally about this when I got to the next level and turned to go up one more flight. I tried to shave some distance by carving the 180 degree turn, only to once again brush up against the handle rail. Its filthy indisgressions left a trail on my khaki-clad leg. The residue was a primary streak of approximately 1.5″ in length (I am an engineer and have access to all sorts of high tech measuring equipment, like the wooden ruler in my desk) with two other “rust-coloured” spots complementing it. After consuming my carbs I went to the water fountain. While the escalator war has been drawn out and protracted (there have been at least 4 skirmishes since July), the water fountain is a newer enemy. There are two water fountains within a reasonable distance of my desk. The farther one is closer to the ground and has a larger basin. However, it was recently worked on and the water has since been lukewarm. This is not acceptable but is harmless. The one closer to me is frigid, doling out a nice chilled stream. But, it is more statuesque. Its extra height and small basin results in a cascading mist. It is impossible for me to drink from it without any of the spray making its way onto my clothing. And when I wear a light coloured shirt, like today, it leaves a nice droplet pattern for my co-workers to see. Well, I was confident that if I changed my angle of attack I could beat this refrigerated beast. I approached from the side and leaned in over the spigot. This seemed to work for a few seconds until the fountain struck back. The new angle was not conducive to swallowing evidently, and the water instead went directly into my nose. I staggered back and choked as the water then dripped back from my nose into my throat. I may not have gotten that much to drink, but at least there was none on my shirt.

Embarrassedly yours,
-Michael

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