Some of the folks that sit near me at work are ardent movie buffs. They always futilely try to involve me in their conversations. And, inevitably, the discussion ends with “You haven’t seen xxxxx? Your Man Card should be revoked.” This is peculiar to me. I feel as though I do a reasonable job of interjecting pop culture references into my conversations. Yet I do have to admit that I have not seen a lot of movies nor have I read a lot of books that were not required by those hippie organised Liberal Arts classes I was forced to take. Whatever, that curiosity is merely for me to ruminate over.
Based on the above, I have decided to take five minutes (that in Michael-time will inevitably turn into 35) to compile a list of “iconic” visual media that I have not viewed. This should save you some time in mocking me later, because you can get it all out of your system now.
- The Office / Scrubs - I have not watched a single episode of either.
- E.T. - This one is particularly depressing because I own it. I also went on the ride down at Universal Studios in Florida.
- American Idol - 15 minutes is all I have seen of this show. Not this season but ever.
- Big Brother - Seems like a good premise, but not enough to get me to tune in.
- The Blues Brothers - 2 for 2 in its ability to put me to sleep. Maybe the third time will be a charm - it worked for Blazing Saddles.
- Denzel Washington - I have only seen one movie with Denzel Washington in it.
- Harry Potter - A movie about a child practising witchcraft is surely the work of the devil. *shakes head vigorously* Man, that was close. Sometimes “their” brainwashing starts to work.
- Lord of the Rings - I have not seen any of the movies from this series either. Fun fact - I once told the family of an ex who was going to this movie that I would rather gouge my eyes out than go with them to the theatre. Whoops - may want to dial the truth serum back a tad.
- And completing the nerd trifecta - Star Wars. None. Not one minute of any of the six movies. There are six, right?
- WNBA - just seeing if y’all are still awake. After all, NOONE watches, nor should they be relegated to watch, women’s basketball.
- Curb Your Enthusiasm / The Wire - Nope - too cheap for premium channels.
- Lost - Too complicated, don’t want to have that much time invested.
- A Christmas Story - I went to college. I saw plenty of movies with people getting their eyes shot out. Don’t need to see one where they talk about it.
- Julia Roberts - Not one movie of hers in its entirety. Thank God.
- Tom Hanks - According to IMDB, I have seen five Tom Hanks movies (as an actor, not just a voice) in their entirety. That doesn’t sound too bad - until you know what those five are. In order of their release - Splash, The ‘burbs, Turner & Hooch, A League of Their Own, Apollo 13. That’s it.
There you go. So lay into me.
Culturally indigent and proud,
-Michael
you also have probably not seen (i am just guessing here) star trek #2(the wrath of Kahn), Thuderbolt, Drunken Master 2, Momento, etc.
also, could you remind us of how many times you…
saw Titanic… in the movie theater?
watched white men can’t jump?
a tom cruise movie?
To answer your questions…
“you also have probably not seen (i am just guessing here)”:
star trek #2(the wrath of Kahn) - nope I have not seen it, although I have experienced the Wrath of Kahn while at college! Incidentally, I have actually seen probably 3 episodes of Star Trek, but no movies
Thuderbolt - nope - and that reminds me I have not seen Mad Max either.
Drunken Master 2 - actually, I think I have seen this. I can’t remember, but I believe so. In fact, I think you were the one that had the copy that we watched.
, Momento - I have actually seen Memento. (Momento is what you lose when the Tide Chevrolet you are drafting at Talladega slows up and you have to tap the brake)
“also, could you remind us of how many times you…”
saw Titanic… in the movie theater? - Boy, aren’t we funny. It was the means to an end at that time, if you get my drift. But yes, Titanic is the only movie I have seen multiple times in the theater (twice). I do occasionally watch it on cable when it is on as well.
watched white men can’t jump? - Oh God - if you count how many times I have at least part of it on cable - I would have to guess 15-20, and that is probably on the light side. And I do own this on DVD.
a tom cruise movie? - Well, naturally. Days of Thunder is the best (albeit most inaccurate) movie ever made. Counting partial views on cable I am probably between 40 and 50. Maybe in a future blog entry I can lay out my Days of Thunder memorabilia collection. I will say now that I own this on both VHS and DVD, as well as the “Making of Days of Thunder” on VHS.
This last section has got me thinking of what movies I have seen the most. That sounds like a good contrarian blog entry to offset the negative karma I gained from this one. Maybe a more humourous one would be to actually list my movie collection. Hmmmmmm.
Some of his all time favorite movies on TV are Bloodsport and Over the Top. I believe he actually rented Over the Top once and made me watch it. Those are probably two of the worst movies in history. However, now I understand why he likes Titanic so much. It must remind him of the “good old days”.
there is no excuse for seeing Titanic.
I at least hope she held up her end of the deal.