Parents Create Fat Kids, not McDonalds
Americans, well, we are a sturdy lot. We are getting
progressively more obese, or less euphemistically,
fatter. Personally, I think that our waistlines are
going to emulate those of our cars. The arrogant
bunch that we are, we for a long time went after
bigger and bigger cars. Well, the second gas went up
in price we bitched and moaned about everything else
and eventually have begun to migrate back to smaller
cars. The same thing is going to happen with our
girth. We will pin the blame on our work schedules,
on the food industry, and then eventually start to
live healthier. This will occur once people start
dropping dead younger and the overall life expectancy
threatens to trend downwards. Oh, those are already
occurring? Ok, it might be a few years yet till we
get our oversized arses into shape.
The media is currently warning us about how fat our
kids are becoming. Childhood obesity is an “epidemic”
of ever-increasing proportion (or would that be
portion? Ha! I slay me.) Kids don’t play enough,
they drink too many sweets, they have access to too
much fast food, video games take too much of their
attention, they are busy bullying other kids on
Myspace, etc. Mainly it means our kids are fat. And
good God they are. Have you seen some of these
gigundous kids as of late? Holy crap. Lardo
McThirdGrader looks like he is eating for two. His
sister Molly looks like she swallowed her floaties
during the ten minutes she attempted to swim until she
got winded. These kids are trucks.
So, because they are children, the government feels it
has to step in. It needs to design programmes and
alter what they eat. Look at the following excerpt
from a Yahoo.com article, and tell me what you think.
“For the study, changes were made to the food in
vending machines or the cafeteria in five of the
schools. Juice, water and low-fat milk replaced sodas.
Snacks had to meet limits for fat, salt and sugar.
Students who ate healthy snacks got raffle tickets to
win prizes such as bikes and jump ropes.
“We found when you give children healthy choices, they
pick them,” said Grace McGinley, school nurse at
Francis Hopkinson School, one of the test schools.”
This occurred in five schools outside Philly if I
remember correctly. And, Grace, oh omnipotent nurse
you, please explain to me how the kids picked
healthily? You took away their choices and only gave
them healthy choices. They had no unhealthy options
to pick from! The school should not have to control
what the kids cannot choose to do on their own. It
is, in my opinion, a byproduct of the entitlement that
we are bestowing upon our children. That is not my
point today, though.
(As an aside - I know that calories alone are not a
straight judge of bad for you beverages - but the
Cherry Coke I am currently drinking is 100 calories
per 8oz. The Tropicana OJ I would have drank all
weekend if I weren’t so cheap and bought store-brand
is 110 calories per 8oz. And oh yeah, that chocolate
milk I had a strange craving for this morning? It was
190 calories for 8oz. Actually it was 190 calories
per HALF-PINT, since evidently they are too good to
list the oz total on the side.)
They also spoke to a study this morning on the radio
where kids who had a TV in their room were more likely
to be fat. I mean overweight. I wouldn’t want to
offend any of those enormous kids. Seriously, was
this really study-worthy material? You know what all
this research tells me? Parents need to start
parenting again. Stop making excuses. I am so tired
of reading stories of McDonalds being blamed (and
subsequently sued) ad infinitum for kids being fat.
It is not McDonald’s fault that your kid could sumo
wrestle with a St. Bernard. (And win) The fact is,
you cannot parent. The next time I see a fat kid, I
am going to wait until he is out of earshot and then
start making fun of the parents for how repugnant
their progeny is. Something scathing and caustic to
get their attention should work, like “Hey. You.
Your kid is a big fat (insert alliterative term
here).” Since parents seem unable to take
responsibility I think that is the only thing left to
do.
Kids are like pack animals. They believe anything you
tell them (see the movie “Jesus Camp”) and will trust
you wholeheartedly. If you lead them astray, it is
your own damn fault. I do not feel sorry for your
heavyset child, unless he has an illness that prevents
him from remaining moderately healthy. As I have said
since day one, I am a firm believer in my “fat kid
rule.” The rule is simple - if I have a kid and he
gets too fat, he doesn’t eat. The parents have to
take responsibility at some point. Like Yogi bear
always said after he finished off his picnic basket,
“Only You Can Prevent Fat Kids.”
Always willing to offer parenting advice,
-Michael
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