Open All Night

The weekend was gorgeous, and as such, I will add some thoughts from it.

1. I went on Saturday to try out to become a host on the Game Show Network. There is a contest in eight different cities, where the winner of each gets to go to LA to host a game show for a day. Anyone could apply and do a pre-screen. After the pre-screen the producer would choose eight to actually host a segment of the game show, in front of the doting mall crowds. I would say close to 20 people applied, which was a little bit lighter than I expected. And, we must not have been stellar as a whole, because only seven were chosen instead of the eight. Let me tell you about some of my competition! And, note that two of the following did make it to the final seven with me.
- There was the former Jeopardy! contestant who showed up in a full suit. I loved the tie with the half-dollar sized stain on it. Good choice.
- I enjoyed his buddy of the same name. He too wore a suit, sans tie. Regretfully he did not bother to get a haircut this year. I was worried that a bird might swing by and stop on his head. He also had a huge knee brace, over his dress pants. Oh, and he was completely unintelligible.
- How about the 60+ year old lady who danced at every chance she had? She had never been to California and this was her big chance. She was hoping to get done quickly so she could go watch the Michigan State game.
- There was the former Teen Jeopardy! contestant who showed up in his prize neon green Chuck’s. He had his Trivia Quiz coach there pumping him up to anyone who would listen. (I was not one who would).
- There was the Sbarro employee who wore his uniform, and nineteen facial hairs in the area of a soul patch, into the tryout.
- There was the gentleman who showed up in a shirt and tie. Regretfully though the shirt collar was not high enough to cover the fresh tattoo on his neck.
(And I will not be going to LA, as I was beaten by two communications majors who did show up in professional attire too)

2. I went in the refrigerator yesterday morning and was struck by its vastness. I have four days left until I head to the store, and this was its contents, excluding condiments:
- 1/2 loaf Italian bread
- 1/2 package lunchmeat
- 4 hamburger rolls
- 3 apples
- 1 head of lettuce
- 1/2 bag shredded mozzarella
- 2 slices of American cheese

The funny thing is, I still have more than enough food in the house as basically everything I eat is either frozen or is not perishable apparently. It would just be a horrible fridge if I were on Cribs (which old episodes are now playing on a local station – the only thing better than looking at houses of people I don’t know currently is looking at houses of people from five years ago that are already washed up). In case you were wondering, here were the beverages in there:
- 64oz orange juice (Meijer brand)
- 89oz orange juice (Tropicana) – you don’t fool me Tropicana! I want my seven ounces back. And I saw your new line of juices too, coming in at 59oz. I will stop buying those too!
- 64oz apple juice (Meijer)
- 2L of Dr. M – ah, nothing like store brand cola to hit the spot
- 2 bottles of Bacardi Mojito. Hey, I have to keep something in the house to keep the laydees happy.

3. Lastly, proving that I am my father’s son, I decided to go to a random church yesterday morning. I really went because my curiousity was killing me, as I have passed this church every day for almost five years now, and it is packed multiple times per week. Sure enough, as I had somewhat expected, it is aspiring to be a mega-church. The amount of people there was astounding to me. They were actually talking about having to issue tickets for the Easter services. Anyway, besides the fact that it was as polar opposite from a Catholic service as possible, they also come around and talk to you if you appear new. I was invited to the “post-service spread”, which was just for new people. I knew Dad would be disappointed if I didn’t at least get some free food out of it, so I went in after full well knowing that I would be cornered as soon as I got in there. I walked in, and a gentleman stopped in mid-conversation to rush over to me. Much like all the
people who were ushers or provided information, he had a lanyard around his neck with the church name on it and a nametag. All the nametags had the same catchline, which was “Ready to Serve” and then their name would be under it. I leaned it to read his as he walked over, and his name was Dick. So yes, his nametag read “Ready to Serve Dick” He couldn’t have gone with Richard on the nametag? I do not know how I kept the laughter in, but he must think I loved the service because I was grinning from ear to ear.

Awaiting my handbasket for the long descent,
-Michael