Open All Night

I love the Olympics. I seriously have an unhealthy obsession with them. Two years ago I would have tv’s with different stations on and a third sport on the computer. ESPN took it to another level this year. They started a Fantasy PickEm league. Basically you picked 10 matchups per day, for any multitude of sports. I have done some strange sports – Fantasy Formula 1, fantasy bowling, and I am prepping for fantasy World Cup this summer. Hell, I am celebrating more than 10 years of Fantasy NASCAR now. But, researching skeleton, biathlon, and women’s curling really was an all-time low. Did the Czech chick win the speedskating event? Where is my BlackBerry? Why the hell are they showing tape delayed skiing anyway!?

That being said, it has not exactly been a banner two weeks for healthy food consumption (count Daytona in there). Then I try to get back on the wagon this morning and it is Girl Scout cookie delivery day. There were crumbs and anarchy everywhere. Hell, at 75 calories per cookie I had 300 calories in me before my computer even finished booting.

Speaking of food, I had corn nuts for the first time in ages the other day. I cannot remember the last time I saw them and there they were, facing me at the convenience store. I took the package over the salt and vinegar chip stalwart. They were delectable, reminding me how much I missed them and baffling me as to why they are not more popular. Then I burped and remembered why. Good God was that horrendous. I felt like I was taste testing at the factory, only they had loaded it up with too many preservatives.

Continuing on the food front (the omnipresent theme of my blog), I was changing planes not all that long ago when I spied a very nervous young lady having a snack waiting at her gate. She had obviously brought this snack herself, as it was in a Ziploc bag – a 1 gallon Ziploc bag that was filled with cheese puffs. And there she was, just chain chewing away. Her friend appeared to want some, but gave up trying to reach into the bag after almost having a finger severed at the knuckle. This wouldn’t have been that bad if she wasn’t a serious chub-a-lub. The chunker was just going to town on the cheese puffs, like they had killed a close relative of hers. Anyway, the irony was just too much for me to bear. I looked at her, opened my mouth, and well, I audibly laughed. I mean a hearty laugh too. There could not be anything funnier than that.

Although tonight did its best to take the crown. I went to dinner at a Japanese restaurant. I was thinking to myself, whilst looking at a table across the way that had 3 Asians and 1 non-Asian, about how amusing it is that this situation always presents itself. I pondered that for a minute until I noticed the couple adjacent to me. Him? 40’s, bald, pudgy, boring from what I could hear. Her? 20’s, an absolute firecracker, a banging body, and a killer tramp stamp. She looked like a Geisha girl that had been completely westernised. I bet she even charged for her time. But, then I went to the mall for Dairy Queen after. There, while covertly sitting off in the corner of the top level and people watching, I spotted the exact reverse! It was a 40’s, balding, coke bottle bespectacled Asian businessman, walking around with an early 30’s white girl donning a miniskirt and CFM boots. It was as if they were the bizarro version of the first couple.

Time for bed – and hoping the Reader isn’t on, so I won’t be coaxed into watching Kate Winslet parade around nude all movie again. And next time, Reader director, please place some sort of warning on the screen when there is about to be male full frontal. Egad, I was not ready for that and almost hit my head diving for the remote.

Back, and all yours,
-Michael