Open All Night

I am a sucker for auto racing on TV. I will watch pretty much anything that is on. I especially enjoy the endurance races, primarily I think, because it is not something I can really relate to. So, when I had the oppoprtunity to participate in an endurance go kart race, I jumped at it.

I really had no idea what to expect. 24 hours in a go-kart split between 6 people? How bad could it be? I have done over an hour straight before in 2 hour races; this just prolongs the agony a tad. I did a crash course in strengthening my core and improving my diet, but that was really it. It was off on a crazy adventure.

Day 1 – Drive from Michigan to Charlotte.
Day 2 – Practise essentially all day.
“Day 3″ – Get to track way too frickin’ early and race
“Day 4″ – Do not leave track through night, and stay till awards ceremony. Then drive all the way back to Michigan.
Day 1-4 – Whine. A lot. Oh, and make running jokes that get more and more complex as the weekend progresses.

The TV coverage always alludes to the strange things that go on during the night as delerium gets closer and closer. Let the record show that I made it through the 24 on 2 hours of sleep, after getting 6 the night before. Here are some actual things that occurred, in no particular order, paying homage to Jeff Foxworthy with a trite play on his money-making routine.

- You might be participating in an endurance race if you find yourself popping aspirin like chiclets, completely unable to figure out how many aspirin you can take in a 24 hour period because you cannot figure out really when the 24 hour period started.
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you end up in a ghetto supermarket trying to purchase bananas, powerbars, granola bars, and those mythical “half-pretzel, half-Ritz cracker” things that are just good as all get out and are gone way before the others. Oh yeah, this supermarket will be across from a strip mall that has “Pimp Yo Ride” car audio and “Mo’ Money” tax service. This will also be up the road from the strip mall that has a chicken/ribs BBQ place next to a barber shop.
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you later in the race end up in a ghetto convenience store/Subway, where the alchoholic in cuffs on the ground in front of the store shouting racist expletives at the patrons will neither deter you nor make you flinch as you enter the store because you are on a mission to find sustenance.
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you find yourself combing through the bags of food unable to find a bad combination of foodstuffs. “You know, I did just have that Atomic Fireball, but I really could go for some trail mix.”
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you find yourself unable to form a cogent sentence and end up finishing 3 out of every 4 sentences with “never mind.”
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you find yourself having bizarre arguments with your subconscious. You know the kind, like “I have to drive in 10 minutes, but I kind of have to pee. Maybe if I hold it, the pressure of my bladder will distract me from the fact that my neck is killing me.”
- You might be participating in an endurance race if the one muscle group you are not worried about before the race is the one that fails you. To that point, did you know you can basically race with your head completely laying on your shoulder?
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you find yourself brushing your teeth in the middle of the night but being unable to decide if it is the before bed or waking up cleaning. You might also find yourself justifying that 3 in the morning is a good time to take your morning medicine because, hell, you aren’t going to bed anyway so it is practically morning.
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you find yourself looking at the clock. Often. Like every 10 minutes often.
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you find new and creative uses for duct tape that seem to take forever to implement. At one point I had duct tape holding the velcro shut on my suit, around my hand to try and prevent more movement from exacerbating blisters, attaching some gonorp to my neck brace to provide an artificial headrest, and I am sure I am forgetting others.
- You might be participating in an endurance race if all you want to do is sleep, but doing so is the seemingly worst thing you can do. I finally fell asleep, woke up to my alarm after some completely deranged dream but couldn’t stand up because my body was so sore and I had to push off on hands that were blister riddled. I was in more pain after.
- You might be participating in an endurance race if you vow never to do it again but 30 minutes later are already thinking about next year.

Still looking for cogent thoughts,
-Michael